From the mind of Kenny Fucking Powers

"I was almost involved in a freak accident at birth when my dick was mistaken for my fucking umbilical cord."


"Shamwow can't even help the ladies when I'm around."


"I don't call them MILF's. I don't call them cougars. If they're hot as shit and full of vagina, consider them fair game."



"If I ever were to fucking die, I'd want to donate my dick to science. I'm pretty sure it contains the cure to AIDS."


"I Drove some blonde bitch all the way to Claire's yesterday, only to fucking find out they don't do taint piercings anymore."


"What the fuck is this 4/20 bullshit? I get high when I get high, bitch, not on some fucking day in April."


"Don't fucking look like your pregnant if you don't want to be asked when the baby's due."


"( {} )☜"


"Earth Day? I couldn't give two shits. I'm here every fucking day."


"This shit is nothing new. I couldn't fucking count the times I've gotten swine flu from porkin' chicks, even with a condom."


"I Don't think this stripper knows she's got genital warts. Looks like a fucking Rice Krispie treat stuck to her labia."


"Getting Pussy Steadily: the only GPS I fucking need."


all stolen from https://twitter.com/KFUCKINGP